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Corinne Farago TurnedOn Couple's avatar

Thanks for this post. I appreciate Schnarch's thoughts on being wary of seeking validation as an underlying motivation of intimate sharing. I'll add that Intimacy is something that's earned, invited, welcomed, consented to. The partner who is sharing needs a sense of security and safety that their share will be free of any response that may leave them feeling judged in any way, or that the sharing will not, under any circumstances, be used against them in the future. Confidentiality is important as well, in order to create a safe place for deep sharing. In other words, intimate sharing happens when there is trust that vulnerable sharing will be honored and respected. I've seen many partners say they want deep sharing from their partners, but then fail to meet that honesty with a response that does not reward that gesture. Laying the groundwork with agreements is important.

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Tim Cantrell's avatar

Jeremiah and Julia, you say, "Sunday mornings, our articles are exclusively about the impact of Evangelical, Mormon, and Pentecostal rhetoric, theology, and policy on modern-day relationships and sexual health." And you state that these attempt to "simplify complicated . . . struggles," giving examples. And you indicated that you were, or maybe still are, a "worship minister."

And then you label certain Christian practices as "bypassing" by quoting Dr. Anderson, who says, "There is no one [including Jesus] coming to save you. There is no person that can take away your fear, stress, and pain." I agree that no person or institution, EXCEPT Jesus can "save" us. We cannot depend on anyone else for our "self-justification." As Adrian Rogers said, "If your religion hasn't changed your life, you need to change your religion!" In the Old Testament, "Salvation" included deliverance from your enemies and circumstances -- sometimes out of and sometimes through them.

I do not know when you began integrating your Psychological Training and experience with your religious experience. Was it because your "religion" fell short of meeting your expectations? Does the Bible not answer your questions and meet your needs? Did you need to replace it with something else?

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