My mother is a malignant narcissist, so I dealt with that abuse on top of being indoctrinated in Christian Nationalism. We are living through a tsunami of psychological abuse at the hands of Republicans. Thank you for explaining to every American how we are being intimately terrorized every day, all day long. (I'm also the oldest child.)
Thanks so much Andra! Folks who have survived either DV, family violence, or Christian Nationalism (or some combination of the three) seem to be the most aware of this parallel process. I really really really love and appreciate your Substack as well and try to reference it whenever I can! Hoping that your work can get the larger attention that it deserves!
My dad was violent growing up and has never once taken responsibility, despite being married and divorced 6 times. When my mom voted for Trump in 2016, I was gobsmacked. I didn’t understand how she could fall for the same behavior again.
Your analogy is perfect and hopefully gets people to see this in a new way.
I have never seen my family structure described so well. I was the oldest child and the most rebellious. My family thought I deserved whatever I got because I talked back. They considered me a smart aleck. So they could hang around watching my drunken father whale on me without perceiving it as child abuse. For my part I had no feeling for him other than terror. My sister once described dinner at our house as “sitting down in hell.” I actually dreamed of being at the dining table and the ceiling and walls were made of flame. This was because we never knew what would happen set him off. It was like living and eating with a keg of dynamite. He was a heavy drinker and my mother was an alcoholic. It wasn’t his physical violence that terrified me as much as his psychological violence. Even after I tried to commit suicide when I was 16, they did nothing. Somehow I managed to grow up anyway but it has never been easy. That guy, the orange dumpling, really triggers memories for me, and not pleasant ones either. I feel like all I can do is pray to god that he will smite him, finally, but does god care about democracy? Since god never helped me when I was a child I’m afraid I don’t have much confidence that he will get rid of this pestilence for our democracy. God is, especially in the Old Testament, a tyrant himself.
No kidding. I’ve also been dreaming of a righteous Smiting. Since being raised in a Domestic Terroristic and Pentecostal household- I have no faith in god or his son, or some ghost.
But a damn good smiting of the perverse, terrorizing republicans might give me hope!
Isn’t it SAD and Horrific that so many of us women have had to endure this level of abusive terrorism And these abusive men just walk around without an ounce of respect for their families - we women & girls.
I’m a middle kid and tried to be a peace keeper.
Like most Dems, that rarely works in light of the circumstances of Terrorism. Ya can’t reason with or be nice to some people - especially ones who Will Never Respect Others.
Spot on. Those of us who grew up experiencing intimate terrorism are struggling mightily with the current political dynamic, and not just because of the double-think, gaslighting, and web of lies perpetrated by Trump and his followers but because of the general public attitude that this is all somehow normal and acceptable. Every day I wonder why we are not all out in the streets screaming in protest. But it's just as it was when I was growing up - my parents were widely considered "different" but normal and acceptable within our community instead of being seen as the terrorists they were. More on this here: https://flanders72.substack.com/p/the-quiet-con
Right. The fact that so many, led by the mainstream media, view this as normal and acceptable, is absolutely wild. Thanks for sharing your story as well!
EXACTLY!! I wrote about DARVO (Deny, Attack and Reverse Victim and Offender) in my first Substack! I have found, for myself, that once you understand DARVO, you are far better equipped to deal with it and to combat it.
Gospel truth and it confounds me that others are intellectually and spiritually deaf and can’t, or won’t listen to the truth of this. I went to the most extreme in my second marriage and I fought back. That had awful consequences for us both, including me, the victim ending up in prison. In this present time, we are dealing with evil at a level that majority of us are not prepared to handle.
A thought: the way Trump blithely makes the most callous and violence-embracing pronouncements impresses me as being besides reckless and unbecoming an important figure like an ex-president (with zero feeling for his inevitable impact as a role model) as also being downright sadistic!
He's talking about military tribunals for his critics. I cannot believe the stupidity of people who are duped by his "I'm a normal guy —pretty much like you!" facade and performances. He is scum through and through.
The black and trans communities have been engaged against systemic violence against their own members ? You said that, but is that what you meant ? You should clarify.
Yikes. Thanks for catching that. It should read "have combatted systemic violence against their own members" instead of "engaged against". Got caught up in the prepositions there.
My mother is a malignant narcissist, so I dealt with that abuse on top of being indoctrinated in Christian Nationalism. We are living through a tsunami of psychological abuse at the hands of Republicans. Thank you for explaining to every American how we are being intimately terrorized every day, all day long. (I'm also the oldest child.)
Thanks so much Andra! Folks who have survived either DV, family violence, or Christian Nationalism (or some combination of the three) seem to be the most aware of this parallel process. I really really really love and appreciate your Substack as well and try to reference it whenever I can! Hoping that your work can get the larger attention that it deserves!
My dad was violent growing up and has never once taken responsibility, despite being married and divorced 6 times. When my mom voted for Trump in 2016, I was gobsmacked. I didn’t understand how she could fall for the same behavior again.
Your analogy is perfect and hopefully gets people to see this in a new way.
I'm so sorry to hear that. I would be gobsmacked as well.
Thanks for the encouragement about the analogy--hoping that this can be helpful to others as well!
I have never seen my family structure described so well. I was the oldest child and the most rebellious. My family thought I deserved whatever I got because I talked back. They considered me a smart aleck. So they could hang around watching my drunken father whale on me without perceiving it as child abuse. For my part I had no feeling for him other than terror. My sister once described dinner at our house as “sitting down in hell.” I actually dreamed of being at the dining table and the ceiling and walls were made of flame. This was because we never knew what would happen set him off. It was like living and eating with a keg of dynamite. He was a heavy drinker and my mother was an alcoholic. It wasn’t his physical violence that terrified me as much as his psychological violence. Even after I tried to commit suicide when I was 16, they did nothing. Somehow I managed to grow up anyway but it has never been easy. That guy, the orange dumpling, really triggers memories for me, and not pleasant ones either. I feel like all I can do is pray to god that he will smite him, finally, but does god care about democracy? Since god never helped me when I was a child I’m afraid I don’t have much confidence that he will get rid of this pestilence for our democracy. God is, especially in the Old Testament, a tyrant himself.
I’m afraid the “saving” is up to us - we can do it together
No kidding. I’ve also been dreaming of a righteous Smiting. Since being raised in a Domestic Terroristic and Pentecostal household- I have no faith in god or his son, or some ghost.
But a damn good smiting of the perverse, terrorizing republicans might give me hope!
Isn’t it SAD and Horrific that so many of us women have had to endure this level of abusive terrorism And these abusive men just walk around without an ounce of respect for their families - we women & girls.
I’m a middle kid and tried to be a peace keeper.
Like most Dems, that rarely works in light of the circumstances of Terrorism. Ya can’t reason with or be nice to some people - especially ones who Will Never Respect Others.
I think the theory is pretty well stated.
Thanks so much!!
Spot on. Those of us who grew up experiencing intimate terrorism are struggling mightily with the current political dynamic, and not just because of the double-think, gaslighting, and web of lies perpetrated by Trump and his followers but because of the general public attitude that this is all somehow normal and acceptable. Every day I wonder why we are not all out in the streets screaming in protest. But it's just as it was when I was growing up - my parents were widely considered "different" but normal and acceptable within our community instead of being seen as the terrorists they were. More on this here: https://flanders72.substack.com/p/the-quiet-con
Right. The fact that so many, led by the mainstream media, view this as normal and acceptable, is absolutely wild. Thanks for sharing your story as well!
EXACTLY!! I wrote about DARVO (Deny, Attack and Reverse Victim and Offender) in my first Substack! I have found, for myself, that once you understand DARVO, you are far better equipped to deal with it and to combat it.
Love this! Would you mind linking your article? I’d love to read it!
Thanks for asking! Here you go: https://open.substack.com/pub/howwedare/p/ohhh-my-friends?r=7ksxd&utm_medium=ios
Interesting. Thank you for this take and for stating flat out that Trump is an abuser and so are his enablers.
Very well said and informative! Thank you.
Thanks for the encouragement!
Gospel truth and it confounds me that others are intellectually and spiritually deaf and can’t, or won’t listen to the truth of this. I went to the most extreme in my second marriage and I fought back. That had awful consequences for us both, including me, the victim ending up in prison. In this present time, we are dealing with evil at a level that majority of us are not prepared to handle.
That's really terrible. And yes, we are certainly dealing with an evil that many of us have no framework for how to handle.
Spot on! I understand that family dynamic all too well, except they’d never admit to or acknowledge it at all. 😢😢 Thank you for this.
I'm so sorry to hear that re: your own family. Glad this post could be helpful!
All good! Ty.
A thought: the way Trump blithely makes the most callous and violence-embracing pronouncements impresses me as being besides reckless and unbecoming an important figure like an ex-president (with zero feeling for his inevitable impact as a role model) as also being downright sadistic!
Yes. Quite sadistic indeed.
Exactly - for him, and his cult, the cruelty is the point.
I mean even toward us "spectators" who must hear it and take it in!
He's talking about military tribunals for his critics. I cannot believe the stupidity of people who are duped by his "I'm a normal guy —pretty much like you!" facade and performances. He is scum through and through.
Fascinating analogy! Thank you. I will share this with my psychologist sister. (I came upon your article as a result of following Andra Watkins).
Thanks Suzanne! I appreciate the encouragement. And eager to hear what your sister thinks of this too :)
I’ll let you know! We talk about family roles and dysfunction pretty often! 😂
Very helpful piece.
Thanks so much!!
The black and trans communities have been engaged against systemic violence against their own members ? You said that, but is that what you meant ? You should clarify.
Yikes. Thanks for catching that. It should read "have combatted systemic violence against their own members" instead of "engaged against". Got caught up in the prepositions there.