Having been raised as a pastors kid in the Pentecostal movement circa late 80’s / 90’s , the purity culture movement built fear and judgement towards sex ….
I was filled with shame at the thought of wanting to express myself sexually….
I am 43 now, only had sex with my wife , and am very keen to open up our marriage and explore the possibilities and experiences that were stolen from me as a result of keeping up the “standard”
I love my wife, we have a great sex life , and this yearning from me is not driven from anything negative from her , or us …..
In fact , I believe that she too would benefit from the experience of opening up, and having her own personal sexual exploitation expedition…..
Yet, she seems fearful, and I feel like the opportunity will never become a reality….. this makes me feel sad, muted , mis understood.
This exciting human experience of connecting with other people in a natural and spontaneous way was robbed from me as a teenager, and it leaves a hole in me….
I never got to choose
I never got to be free
Instead I was filled with shame, fear & confusion……
Josh. Oof. Totally relatable--Julia and I hear about desires like "exploring the possibilities and experiences that were stolen from us" pretty frequently in the deconstruction process. I really appreciate that you want your wife to have that as well.
Stick with the conversation. Find ways to gently return to it. And don't be afraid to reach out to a relationship therapist or coach, be that me/Julia/Becs/Jimmy, or someone that you trust in your community.
I love these ideas. They are very important to consider for a lot of people. Me especially since I am considering asking a married couple if I can join them. They are so beautiful in so many ways, each as individuals, and especially as a couple. They are so vibrant and beautiful. I want them badly.
Having been raised as a pastors kid in the Pentecostal movement circa late 80’s / 90’s , the purity culture movement built fear and judgement towards sex ….
I was filled with shame at the thought of wanting to express myself sexually….
I am 43 now, only had sex with my wife , and am very keen to open up our marriage and explore the possibilities and experiences that were stolen from me as a result of keeping up the “standard”
I love my wife, we have a great sex life , and this yearning from me is not driven from anything negative from her , or us …..
In fact , I believe that she too would benefit from the experience of opening up, and having her own personal sexual exploitation expedition…..
Yet, she seems fearful, and I feel like the opportunity will never become a reality….. this makes me feel sad, muted , mis understood.
This exciting human experience of connecting with other people in a natural and spontaneous way was robbed from me as a teenager, and it leaves a hole in me….
I never got to choose
I never got to be free
Instead I was filled with shame, fear & confusion……
Feel free to reach out if you can relate
Josh. Oof. Totally relatable--Julia and I hear about desires like "exploring the possibilities and experiences that were stolen from us" pretty frequently in the deconstruction process. I really appreciate that you want your wife to have that as well.
Stick with the conversation. Find ways to gently return to it. And don't be afraid to reach out to a relationship therapist or coach, be that me/Julia/Becs/Jimmy, or someone that you trust in your community.
I really do need to speak to someone for sure …… my wife is super fearful of the topic ….. but I am not afraid…..
I love these ideas. They are very important to consider for a lot of people. Me especially since I am considering asking a married couple if I can join them. They are so beautiful in so many ways, each as individuals, and especially as a couple. They are so vibrant and beautiful. I want them badly.
Thanks Eric for commenting! I hope that you have the opportunity to take that risk, and that you find life-giving meaning in whatever outcome follows!