The above comment was in response to someone who 1) wrote about Biden's foreign policy and the relationship with Gaza, and 2) pushed for being folded into communities and going after systems and not people.
I'm disappointed that the original comment got deleted (and no I did not delete it), because there's some really useful perspectives that he brought up. As such, I'm choosing to keep my response as well.
It HAS been proven tr*mp has broken the law on many, many occasions. How did you miss that? He does not care about our Constitution! 34 felony counts, Defamation, raping and assaulting at least one woman (more than likely over a dozen more), sharing our gov’t secrets, paying off a woman he had sex with so it wouldn’t come out in his campaign, lying on his taxes and criminal business practice in NY which is why he can no longer do business there, not paying the many contractors who have worked on his building projects, withholding funds to Ukraine that were already promised trying to get dirt on the Biden family… not to mention his countless lies about just about everything, etc., etc., etc. Feel free to research all of this.
Mr. Cantrell, where ya been?!!!
He is a proven criminal yet somehow was able to run for the highest position in our government. I am angry, very angry you and others would put a horrible person like this in our White House! You have had the same opportunity to view/hear the same information as I have. You could listen to the cuckoo right out of his mouth, yet you voted for a rapist, racist, misogynistic, narcissistic a-hole.
Do you really think you will be able to hold him accountable for all his coming transgressions?! And they will be plentiful! He has got all the money, the billionaires, the MAGA congress and the “unsupreme” court all around to safeguard and enable whatever he wants! He is the farthest thing from being a “Christian.” I feel you have taken us all down with you.
And if you were a woman and also someone who believes in the fundamental principle of separation of Church and State and that not all people subscribe to Christianity (because it isn’t our country’s religion) than maybe you would understand how much an affront Project 2025 is to a great many of us. It takes away our basic human rights. I don’t think I will ever understand this voting for the most vile among us, although I’m willing to hear an explanation if you have it.
It's really quite simple. Someone who voted for Trump is ethically and/or intellectually bankrupt and as such I can have no respect for them. So why would I want a relationship with someone who I have no respect for? Life's too short.
As a new subscriber, I am reaching out to you to build a relationship based upon shared values -- let's find them!. As an Evangelical "Bible-believing (from cover-to-cover) Christian," I realize that some of our "unshared values" are non-starters, and need not be discussed at this time. I must earn your trust. I choose to trust you, as long as you don't lie to me.
You stated that you want to "win this war with MAGA through in-real-life relationships." I am trying to PREVENT war! Of course, if you don't want America to be great, we have a problem.
We need to start from scratch: There can be no "yes, buts . . ." Let's "Judge" together, to determine how we can agree. I am only interested in the truth, and "no lie is of the truth" (1 John 2:21). And if you call anything I say "disinformation" -- whatever its source, you need to PROVE IT. I have studied all 930 pages of Project 2025 and in MY opinion, it is not nearly as bad as you all say it is. But then, I don't give much credence to opinions -- yours, mine, or even "experts" or "sexperts."
BTW, in your opinion, what did "is" (Think Bill Clinton) mean? I regress.
In your writing, you seem to give us only two alternatives: Trump or "Other;" Power or Collaboration; "vibes" (emotions and "feelings?") or "Expertise and Professional Knowledge;" "Dominance (as opposed to "humility?") or "Safety, Trustworthiness;" "Unbridled Individualism (YOU MUST HATE John Wayne) or "Communal responsibility (Are you Communists?);" and Trump vs. "Civil Rights!"
Yes, Trump is a jerk, but if you are so disingenuous to claim that nether he nor his followers can have any of your positive attributes and values, then we cannot find a compromise.
The main consequence of my voting for Trump, is that I am now responsible for holding him accountable -- to our Constitution -- for everything he does. I am constantly watching, in case he breaks any promise or law. And Constitutional Rights are for all Citizens equally!
You say he has already broken the law. We agree that no one is "above the law." If it can be proven that Trump has broken the law, he should immediately resign! And so should Biden and family.
I am not racist -- ask my wife, who came from China. I don't hate women -- again, ask my wife and three daughters. I don't hate LGBTQ+ -- ask all my friends. I DO hate "Treason," and Trump is not the one who gave $60 Billion to Iran (our Enemy) in 2015, and who abandoned our friends in Afghanistan to the terrorists.
Feel free to correct anything that is not true. I am looking forward to getting to know you. I learn little from those I already agree with, but much from those with different backgrounds and experience.
Can you tell me more about the word "sexperience"? I'm really curious about that.
One of the things that we battle, both on this Substack and in our larger business, is the reliance on folk wisdom, vibes, and axioms (i.e. Cosmo advice) from others in our larger profession. Coaches get the worst rap about this, but there are certainly others who oversimplify relationships and sexuality.
As a note, Julia and I have a combined 30 years of experience working with relationships as therapists, much of which has included sexual health.
I'm afraid I made it -- "sexperience" -- up, on the spot! I'm surprised that you, or someone else, hasn't used the word for something -- short for "sexual experience." I should have simply said, "We are VERY happily married (when we're not upset LOL). Although there's nothing easy about it: Commitment is hard work.
Thanks for your comments. A couple of quick responses.
1) This isn't a binary. I've never said that Trump voters don't have positive attributes or values. I only said that decisions have consequences, and that we need practice more bravery when people make decisions that hurt other people. Sometimes I speak in binaries (power vs. collaboration) because I want what I write to be digestible, and I don't want to write articles that take 20 minutes to read. Thanks for naming some of the unhelpful implications of that.
2) The value that I'm encouraging is some variation of bravery. This doesn't mean cutting people off or treating them rude. But it does mean talking about how a decision impacts you, and what the relational consequences of those decisions are.
3) If you're interested in following someone who proves disinformation, you're in the right place. Citing my sources is a huge value of mine. In fact, you'll find most of the content that I write about is riffing off of previously cited research from people who are way smarter than me. Today's article was an exception.
Appreciate the level headed response to this sticky situation. I'm reminded of all those families during the Civil War who had soldiers on both sides. This is not new. But setting boundaries that may preserve relationships and create much- needed opportunities for rebuilding trust and finding common values make lots of sense... and yet is incredibly difficult. Thanks.
Yah--I was thinking about the Civil War as well, although I'm struggling to think of writings from during that time period that addressed the challenges of families who had soldiers on Union/Confed sides. Lit nerds--what books am I not thinking of?
In every other election prior to 2024, I can fully see where you're coming from.
This is the first election in our lifetime in which that isn't true.
Is the Biden/Harris campaign flawed? Of course. It's American. You can't divorce American globalism without the military war machine and colonial relationships with other people. American foreign policy is another conversation for another day.
But this is the first time in our lived history, for sure since McCarthyism in the 50s, in which a government has threatened to turn on its own people, regardless of racial/gender/class identification. Sex therapists and OBGYNs have had legal threats to attempt them to prevent working with trans people. Biden's administration did not do that.
Second, I did not ask people to cut off. In fact, I clearly wrote the sentence, "I’m not suggesting that you end these relationships, or cut these people off." What I'm suggesting is that we have important conversations with people, that can include consequences for decisions that could impact family systems. As a family systems therapist, I would argue that this is a way of being "soft on people and hard on structures".
I didn't say this in the article, but I'll say it here. I think we need to look to people who have navigated relationships with folks with active substance use disorders as guides for how to navigate these complicated situations. The advice that I gave in the article is very similar to the therapeutic process that I and other relational therapists use to help families in these situations.
I think we agree on being folded into community as opposed to be further alienated and atomized. I actually think the primary way to do that is by relying much less on social media for relational bids and more on face to face interactions. I'd love to chat more in person about this!
Please delete my comment if you’d rather not have it on here. I’m just simply dumbfounded. I really think we’ve all been reading and watching very different versions of information. That is all I can figure. Perhaps, half our country really didn’t hear or know the orange monster was truly a criminal. I just don’t know how that is possible, however.
The above comment was in response to someone who 1) wrote about Biden's foreign policy and the relationship with Gaza, and 2) pushed for being folded into communities and going after systems and not people.
I'm disappointed that the original comment got deleted (and no I did not delete it), because there's some really useful perspectives that he brought up. As such, I'm choosing to keep my response as well.
Thanks for these tips. It's helpful to consider how to frame conversations and be upfront and clear about our feelings and expectations.
Thanks for the encouragement!
I’m so confused. To Mr. Cantrell:
It HAS been proven tr*mp has broken the law on many, many occasions. How did you miss that? He does not care about our Constitution! 34 felony counts, Defamation, raping and assaulting at least one woman (more than likely over a dozen more), sharing our gov’t secrets, paying off a woman he had sex with so it wouldn’t come out in his campaign, lying on his taxes and criminal business practice in NY which is why he can no longer do business there, not paying the many contractors who have worked on his building projects, withholding funds to Ukraine that were already promised trying to get dirt on the Biden family… not to mention his countless lies about just about everything, etc., etc., etc. Feel free to research all of this.
Mr. Cantrell, where ya been?!!!
He is a proven criminal yet somehow was able to run for the highest position in our government. I am angry, very angry you and others would put a horrible person like this in our White House! You have had the same opportunity to view/hear the same information as I have. You could listen to the cuckoo right out of his mouth, yet you voted for a rapist, racist, misogynistic, narcissistic a-hole.
Do you really think you will be able to hold him accountable for all his coming transgressions?! And they will be plentiful! He has got all the money, the billionaires, the MAGA congress and the “unsupreme” court all around to safeguard and enable whatever he wants! He is the farthest thing from being a “Christian.” I feel you have taken us all down with you.
And if you were a woman and also someone who believes in the fundamental principle of separation of Church and State and that not all people subscribe to Christianity (because it isn’t our country’s religion) than maybe you would understand how much an affront Project 2025 is to a great many of us. It takes away our basic human rights. I don’t think I will ever understand this voting for the most vile among us, although I’m willing to hear an explanation if you have it.
It's really quite simple. Someone who voted for Trump is ethically and/or intellectually bankrupt and as such I can have no respect for them. So why would I want a relationship with someone who I have no respect for? Life's too short.
Just used the trust element today to talk to my sister, who voted for trump.
That’s great! What did you find helpful about it?
As a new subscriber, I am reaching out to you to build a relationship based upon shared values -- let's find them!. As an Evangelical "Bible-believing (from cover-to-cover) Christian," I realize that some of our "unshared values" are non-starters, and need not be discussed at this time. I must earn your trust. I choose to trust you, as long as you don't lie to me.
You stated that you want to "win this war with MAGA through in-real-life relationships." I am trying to PREVENT war! Of course, if you don't want America to be great, we have a problem.
We need to start from scratch: There can be no "yes, buts . . ." Let's "Judge" together, to determine how we can agree. I am only interested in the truth, and "no lie is of the truth" (1 John 2:21). And if you call anything I say "disinformation" -- whatever its source, you need to PROVE IT. I have studied all 930 pages of Project 2025 and in MY opinion, it is not nearly as bad as you all say it is. But then, I don't give much credence to opinions -- yours, mine, or even "experts" or "sexperts."
BTW, in your opinion, what did "is" (Think Bill Clinton) mean? I regress.
In your writing, you seem to give us only two alternatives: Trump or "Other;" Power or Collaboration; "vibes" (emotions and "feelings?") or "Expertise and Professional Knowledge;" "Dominance (as opposed to "humility?") or "Safety, Trustworthiness;" "Unbridled Individualism (YOU MUST HATE John Wayne) or "Communal responsibility (Are you Communists?);" and Trump vs. "Civil Rights!"
Yes, Trump is a jerk, but if you are so disingenuous to claim that nether he nor his followers can have any of your positive attributes and values, then we cannot find a compromise.
The main consequence of my voting for Trump, is that I am now responsible for holding him accountable -- to our Constitution -- for everything he does. I am constantly watching, in case he breaks any promise or law. And Constitutional Rights are for all Citizens equally!
You say he has already broken the law. We agree that no one is "above the law." If it can be proven that Trump has broken the law, he should immediately resign! And so should Biden and family.
I am not racist -- ask my wife, who came from China. I don't hate women -- again, ask my wife and three daughters. I don't hate LGBTQ+ -- ask all my friends. I DO hate "Treason," and Trump is not the one who gave $60 Billion to Iran (our Enemy) in 2015, and who abandoned our friends in Afghanistan to the terrorists.
Feel free to correct anything that is not true. I am looking forward to getting to know you. I learn little from those I already agree with, but much from those with different backgrounds and experience.
Thank you, but we don't need your "sexperience."
Can you tell me more about the word "sexperience"? I'm really curious about that.
One of the things that we battle, both on this Substack and in our larger business, is the reliance on folk wisdom, vibes, and axioms (i.e. Cosmo advice) from others in our larger profession. Coaches get the worst rap about this, but there are certainly others who oversimplify relationships and sexuality.
As a note, Julia and I have a combined 30 years of experience working with relationships as therapists, much of which has included sexual health.
I'm afraid I made it -- "sexperience" -- up, on the spot! I'm surprised that you, or someone else, hasn't used the word for something -- short for "sexual experience." I should have simply said, "We are VERY happily married (when we're not upset LOL). Although there's nothing easy about it: Commitment is hard work.
Hi Tim,
Thanks for your comments. A couple of quick responses.
1) This isn't a binary. I've never said that Trump voters don't have positive attributes or values. I only said that decisions have consequences, and that we need practice more bravery when people make decisions that hurt other people. Sometimes I speak in binaries (power vs. collaboration) because I want what I write to be digestible, and I don't want to write articles that take 20 minutes to read. Thanks for naming some of the unhelpful implications of that.
2) The value that I'm encouraging is some variation of bravery. This doesn't mean cutting people off or treating them rude. But it does mean talking about how a decision impacts you, and what the relational consequences of those decisions are.
3) If you're interested in following someone who proves disinformation, you're in the right place. Citing my sources is a huge value of mine. In fact, you'll find most of the content that I write about is riffing off of previously cited research from people who are way smarter than me. Today's article was an exception.
I look forward to it.
Appreciate the level headed response to this sticky situation. I'm reminded of all those families during the Civil War who had soldiers on both sides. This is not new. But setting boundaries that may preserve relationships and create much- needed opportunities for rebuilding trust and finding common values make lots of sense... and yet is incredibly difficult. Thanks.
Yah--I was thinking about the Civil War as well, although I'm struggling to think of writings from during that time period that addressed the challenges of families who had soldiers on Union/Confed sides. Lit nerds--what books am I not thinking of?
In every other election prior to 2024, I can fully see where you're coming from.
This is the first election in our lifetime in which that isn't true.
Is the Biden/Harris campaign flawed? Of course. It's American. You can't divorce American globalism without the military war machine and colonial relationships with other people. American foreign policy is another conversation for another day.
But this is the first time in our lived history, for sure since McCarthyism in the 50s, in which a government has threatened to turn on its own people, regardless of racial/gender/class identification. Sex therapists and OBGYNs have had legal threats to attempt them to prevent working with trans people. Biden's administration did not do that.
Second, I did not ask people to cut off. In fact, I clearly wrote the sentence, "I’m not suggesting that you end these relationships, or cut these people off." What I'm suggesting is that we have important conversations with people, that can include consequences for decisions that could impact family systems. As a family systems therapist, I would argue that this is a way of being "soft on people and hard on structures".
I didn't say this in the article, but I'll say it here. I think we need to look to people who have navigated relationships with folks with active substance use disorders as guides for how to navigate these complicated situations. The advice that I gave in the article is very similar to the therapeutic process that I and other relational therapists use to help families in these situations.
I think we agree on being folded into community as opposed to be further alienated and atomized. I actually think the primary way to do that is by relying much less on social media for relational bids and more on face to face interactions. I'd love to chat more in person about this!
Please delete my comment if you’d rather not have it on here. I’m just simply dumbfounded. I really think we’ve all been reading and watching very different versions of information. That is all I can figure. Perhaps, half our country really didn’t hear or know the orange monster was truly a criminal. I just don’t know how that is possible, however.